fuck you veet.


dear veet,

oh you tricky mistress. you seemed like such a good idea at the time, and lured me in with your snow scraper looking hair removal device. who can resist that? your marketing people are gooood. the idea of not having to really shave was so attractive i took a chance. who wants to get nicked by shoddy razors (noxema, i’m looking at you dood). i was so excited to go home and spray you on and give you my 3-10 minutes of wait time. i waited patiently even though you stunk up my bathroom with your horrible fumes. i sat through the tingling sensation building in my legs. hell, i even waited through the somewhat burning sensation, all while keeping my arms in the air because you were gonna work on my armpits too. i waited 6 minutes first thinking nothing actually ever happens in 3 minutes short of pregnancy tests. i used your snow scraper and there was still hair! you took me from long stubble to short stubble. i sprayed a little more on, and gave you another 10 minutes. same result. at this point i knew you were nothing more than a lying whore looking to trick me out of my money. i scraped you off and took a shower. do you know what i did in that shower? i shaved. and you know what else? my armpits knew i cheated and decided not to give me a clean shave. my legs were far more forgiving, even after shedding blood. so veet, i’m done with you. you shall remain in the closet with all the other forgotten products that did not live up to the hype. perhaps you can all start a support group for one another. i don’t really care what you do, but you will not be stinking and stinging up the place anymore.




2 Responses to “fuck you veet.”

  1. 1 kate lowe

    That evil thing gave me a chemical burn in college when my roommate and I attempted to use it.

  2. Good to know…

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