oh john mayers, you smarmy bastard.


Dear John Mayer,

You sing about wonderland bodies, and used to come across with that boy next door charm. Your shaggy hair all mussied up, I can understand your appeal to the average high school and college girl. Hell, you even charmed Jennifer Aniston who’s got a solid 10 years on you. She should have known better. You serenaded the lucky girls in your videos, plucking not only your guitar strings but also their heart strings. I get all the reasons girls have thought up to make you dreamy, but yet I’m still totally baffled.

John Mayer, have they not seen you actually sing? Not video sing because that’s all pretend anyways. But really sing, when you actually have to apply your talent? Your face gets all distorted and it’s somewhere between having a stroke and blowing your load. It scares me. I’m not sure whether to shield the young girls eyes or call an ambulance.

I get that you swiped your entire act from Dave Matthews. I can understand that basically paved the way for you and your college rock sound. I also acknowledge that he too makes funny faces when he sings. But his look like really awkward tense smiles. Do you see the difference here?

You = creepy sexual stroke guy

Him = awkward smile south african dood.

Also, your tattoo sleeve is working wonders for your douchebag persona you got going on.

That’s about all I have to say. Keep on creepin on, John Mayer, you smarmy, smarmy bastard.




No Responses Yet to “oh john mayers, you smarmy bastard.”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: